Instruction and Advice For The Young Bride!

Instruction and advice for the young bride on the conduct and procedure of the intimate and personal relationships of the Marriage State for the greater spiritual sanctity of this blessed sacrament and the glory of God.

No, that is not the opening paragraph, that is the title of a piece written in 1894 by Ruth Smythers, wife of Reverend L.D. Smythers. Obviously Mrs. Smythers took Titus 2 very seriously and wanted to advise young brides on how to “love their husbands.” Please read the following “advice” she gave: 

“To the sensitive young woman who has had the benefits of the proper upbringing, the wedding day is ironically, both the happiest and most terrifying day of her life. On the positive side, there is the wedding itself, in which the bride is the central attractionin a beautiful and inspiring ceremony, symbolizing her triumph in securing a male to provide for all her needs for the rest of her life. On the negative side, there is the wedding night, during which the bride must “pay the piper,” so to speak, by facing for the first time the terrible experience of sex.

At this point, dear reader, let me concede one shocking truth. Some young women actually anticipate the wedding night ordeal with curiousity and pleasure! Beware such an attitude! A selfish and sensual husband can easily take advantage of such a bride. One cardinal rule of marriage should never be forgotten: GIVE LITTLE, GIVE SELDOM, AND ABOVE ALL, GIVE GRUDGINGLY. Otherwise what could have been a proper marriage could become an orgy of sexual lust.

On the other hand the bride’s terror need not be extreme. While sex is at best revolting and at worst just painful, it has to be endured, and has been by women since the beginning of time, and is compensated for by the monogamous home and by the children produced through it.

It is useless, in most cases, for the bride to prevail upon the groom to forego the sexual initiation. While the ideal husband would be one who would approach his bride only at her request, and only for the begetting of offspring, such nobility and unselfishness cannot be expected from the average man.

Most men, if not denied, would demand sex every day. The wise bride will permit a maximum of two brief sexual experiences weekly during the first months of marriage. As time goes by she should make every effort to reduce this frequency. Feigned illness, sleepiness and headaches are among the wife’s best friends in this matter. Arguments, nagging, scolding and bickering also prove very effective if used in the late evening about one hour before the husband would normally commence his seduction.

Clever wives are on alert for the new and better methods of denying and discouraging the amourous overtures of her husband. A good wife should expect to have reduced sexual contacts to once a week by the end of the first year of marriage and to once a month by the end of the fifth year of marriage. By their tenth anniversary many wives have managed to complete their child bearing  and have achieved the ultimate goal of terminating all sexual contacts with the husband. By this time she can depend upon his love for the children and the social pressures to hold the husband home”.

Is this the intimacy between husband and wife intended by God in a “one flesh” relationship? Absolutely not. In her book “Kiss Me Again”, Barbara Wilson stresses the loving and intimate relationship God intended. She does so while illustrating many of the “life” occurences that inhibit us from having this relationship with our husbands.

Unlike Mrs. Smythers, Barbara Wilson shows us that when most women say “no” it is a result of having said “yes” when they should not have. She provides many examples of how previous relationships act as a buffer between a husband and wife.

She starts out explaining some of the cases and why these women now happily married seem unable to “love” their husband as God intended. Next she provides scientific evidence of God’s bonding chemical and how this is affected by poor sexual choices and then moves into healing.

Tomorrow we will discuss more about what the healing process looks like.

If as you have read this post, you have felt any conviction or guilt about something in your past or present, I ask you to please, stop and pray and call upon our creator, that you may begin your healing now.

****The quotes by Mrs Smyther’s was found in the book Feminine Appeal by Carolyn Mahaney. In the footnotes the source is noted as, The Madison Institute Newsletter, Fall 1894, copyrighted 1894 by The Madison Institute(New York, Spiritual Guidance Press)