Was I in My Grave?

Yesterday, I had an experience that I had never had before. As a result, I beleive the Lord has led me to share the following from 40 years ago.

I opened my eyes and looked up, was I laying down? Was I dead and looking up from my grave? So many thoughts ran through my mind. There were people standing all around me, my Mom and Dad at my feet, my brother Charles to one side and other people I did not know. Wait, what was that. Crickets, bugs…. I must be in my grave there were crickets and bugs jumping all over me, but I really did not feel them. Lord where am I?

Then I heard a familiar voice, my Dad. “Cindy, Cindy, can you hear me?”

Of course I could hear him…what is going on…where am I…why is my Father calling me in this manner. The tears began to flow as all my thoughts and fears gripped me.

Then someone I could not see lifted my head and began asking me questions.

Questions, questions, more questions…… what was going on?

Next thing I knew I was being lifted up and placed on a bed… no not a bed a stretcher…. no not a stretcher… a gurney. One of those rolling beds they use in hospitals. Then I saw flashing red lights and sounds of a siren.

Lord will someone help me? What is going on?

Another familiar voice, my Mom. “Cindy, you have had a seizure.” Seizure wait a minute what is a seizure? I searched my clouded mind. I could not really comprehend what my Mom was saying, just that I must be sick.

But wait a minute, where am I, what day is it, what time is it, who are all these people…..

Mom continued, “the ambulance is here and they are going to take you to the hospital. Your Father and I and Charlie will follow in the car.”

More tears, I really could not speak as my mouth hurt and my tongue did not feel right.

Zip, click. They raised the gurney to full height and were rolling me to the ambulance. There was a policeman who had just come up who was talking to my parents. I could not hear anything and just continued to weep.

Zip, click. They rolled me into the back of the ambulance. The EMT started to take my blood pressure and explain that it appeared I had had a seizure. They were taking me to the emergency room in Franklin.

Franklin, what was I doing in Franklin? I lived in Viriginia Beach.

I asked the attendant what day it was. Oh the pain to speak.

He told me it was Friday about 6pm. Then he went on to say that I should try not to talk as I had chewed my tongue pretty bad……

Chewed my tongue?

With the sound of the siren in the background I could hear the driver telling someone all about what was happening.

12 year old female traveling in a car with parents appeared to have had a seizure, father said she had been uncoincious for quite a while. He told them my blood pressure and told them it appeared I had chewed my tongue pretty bad. There ETA 10 minutes.

My biggest fear……. what I did not know!

They rolled me into the ER and doctors and nurses were all around.

More blood pressure, checked my eyes, checked my tongue, took blood. I remember a nurse leaning down and asking if I was on drugs. NO!!! I answered. Well it was 1968.

I felt so weak, so tired, so cold. Where were my parents?

Then back to questions:

What day was it? I answered the EMT said Friday.

What was the date? Struggling to remember I began to cry again. I did not know the date, I had know idea what the year was. They asked me what I last remembered? After much time spent thinking I remembered I was sitting in the back seat with my brother…that was all.

The doctor was nice and explained that I need not be worried as it was normal after a grand mal seizure to have a temporary loss of short term memory. He said that I had chewed my tongue and that is why I had a hard time speaking. They were going to give me some medicine and send me home with my parents, but I would need to see my doctor on Monday. He excused himself and said he was going to see my parents and that I should just rest.

I closed my eyes and went to sleep.

Sometime later I opened my eyes, they were removing the IV, my parents and brother were there and they were putting me in a wheel chair. I was going home. Rolling me outside, they put me in the car. I laid down on the back seat with my head in my brothers lap.

Asleep again……

Wake up we’re here. Where? I sat up and glanced outside, we were at the lake. We had a summer place on Lake Gaston and that is where we were. Dad and Charlie helped me into the house and Mom helped me get in bed…… sleep.

For those of you who have never had a seizure it is hard to realize what it does to your body. This seizure had been so bad that I slept solid for almost 48 hours. Each time I awoke I remembered a little more about the time leading up to the seizure. Later I would have my brother and parents to fill me in on the seizure it self.

For the next 14 years I would continue to have uncontrollable grand mal seizures about 4-5 times a year. At 26 after the birth of my third child. They stopped! Just as suddenly as they had started they ended.

To this day I can still feel the deep fear and sadness upon awakening from each seizure. I never knew where I was, how I got there nor anything from sometimes a half day before the seizure.

When I woke up all I knew was…. oh no…not again.

As I said earlier, these began when I was almost thirteen, just going into Junior High and they continued through High School. This is normally a time when youth are their meanest and ugliest to one another.

I would like to say to all my classmates from Plaza Junior High and Kellam High School….you never made me feel like a freak…. as epileptics are often called. I was just another member of the class. Thanks for this memory.

Today I look upon my seizures as but a step in the Lord’s process of molding me into His purpose.  I hope that this story has in someway touched or helped all who have read this.

To God be the Glory…..

Brunch and Chocolates…..

Sacred Friendships: Celebrating the Legacy of Women Heroes of the Faith

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Sacred Friendships – Celebrating the Legacy of Women Heroes of the FaithBy Robert W Kellemen & Susan M Ellis / B M H Books

This book is a “must read” for Christian women.

I laughed, I cried…I was humbled.

In a time when women’s ministry is often synonymous with brunch and chocolate, we can all learn from the women in Sacred Friendships.

The wisdom, boldness, perseverance, love, and sacrifice displayed by these female heroes will make you want to put down that latte and get to work in the body of Christ.

This historical narrative presents the stories over 50 women and covers 2000 years of church history. The authors allow these women to shine their own light through their letters, diaries, and other writings. We also hear the words of those who were influenced by their faith.

These women teach us to balance life and doctrine, humble care and bold courage, content and character. They speak the truth in love. They teach, counsel, and encourage others through their words and through their actions.

The list of heroes includes mothers and sisters of the saints. It includes martyrs and deaconesses, wives of famous pastors, and women who quietly instructed and discipled followers in their rural homes. You will hear from women who boldly spoke out against and debated male leaders during the Great Western Schism, the Reformation, and the road to Emancipation. There are stories of those who endured slavery and those who fought against slavery. The book ends in a Nazi prison camp, where the faith of one woman encouraged and influenced those around her.

Diversity among the women in Sacred Friendships affirms that all women can serve in God’s kingdom. These women were married, single, and widowed. They included women of high position and political influence, peasants, prisoners, and slaves. Some were mothers and some never had children. All of them lived authentic lives of faith.

I am grateful to authors Bob Kellemen and Susan Ellis of RPM Ministries for including me on their blog tour.

I asked Bob:

Tell us about your speaking, writing, and consulting through RPM Ministries.

Bob: “I believe that most Christians care deeply, but struggle to speak the truth in love. RPM Ministries exists to equip lay people, pastors, educators, students, and Christian counselors to change lives with Christ’s changeless truth. We do so by speaking, writing, and consulting about Christ-centered, comprehensive, compassionate, and culturally-informed biblical counseling and spiritual formation.

Our passion is to empower the church and para-church to care like Christ. As a result, God’s people enter deeply into one another’s lives and make a significant different in the lives of hurting and hardened people.

RPM is our acrostic for Resurrection Power Multipliers. We based the concept upon Paul’s prayer in Philippians 3:10, “I want to know Christ and the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of His suffering.”

We want to raise up a new generation of biblical counselors and spiritual friends who live out 1 Thessalonians 2:8. “I loved you so much that I gave you not only the Scriptures, but my own soul, because you were dear to me.”

How can people get in touch with you and how can they learn more about your ministry and about Sacred Friendships?

I can be contacted by email at: rpm.ministries@gmail.com

A free sample chapter of Sacred Friendships is available here

Sacred Friendships is on sale at 40% off for $12.99 here

To learn more about RPM Ministries, please visit: www.rpmministires.org

**** Please note the above review is from Tabitha’s Team site:

http://www.tabithas-team.com

 

 

 

When We Are Afflicted…

“Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the Lord’s great love we are not comsumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, “The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for Him.” Lamentations 3:21-24.

There we were watching and waiting as the doctors began to treat our only little girl. Others were there too, as their children were dying also. Small little lives destined never to grow up.

“In a strange kind of way, we learned how lucky we were…

~ We met people who had but one child; we had three…

~ We met people who did not love each other; we loved each other very much…

~ We had a supportive family and friends; some had none…

~ We believed in God…….

Robin was wonderful, she never asked why this was happening to her. She lived each day as it came, sweet and loving, unquestioning and unselfish.

I made up my mind there would be no tears around Robin, so I asked people who cried to step out of the room. I didn’t want to scare our little girl (she was three years old). Poor George had the most dreadful time he could hardly watch the blood transfusions. He would simply say he had to go to the rest room. We used to laugh and wonder if Robin thought he had the weakest bladder in the world. Not true. He just had the most tender heart.

She slipped into a coma. Her death was very peaceful. One minute she was there, the next moment she was gone. I truly felt her soul leave her body. For one last time I combed her hair, and we held our precious girl. I have never felt the presence of God more strongly than at that moment.

George and I love and value every person more because of Robin. She lives in our hearts, memories and actions.

George Bush and I have been two of the luckiest people in the world, and when all the dust is settled and all the crowds are gone, the things that matter are faith, family and friends. We have been inordinately blessed, and we know that.”

Many of you never knew that George and Barbara Bush had a precious little three year old daughter named Robin who died very quickly from leukemia.  The paragraphs in blue above is a short testimony by Barbara Bush of the beauty from this affliction in their lives.  They faced the unthinkable, the death of a child. Not only did they see her spirit and God’s grace but they were moved by the sadness around them. Not just the sadness of watching a child die…. but the sadness of those less fortunate. Not in any monetary terms but in the richness they had from their God, their love and their friends and family.

Whatever affliction you face today or tomorrow or yesterday…. may you be able to count it all joy as you walk through the valley with The Good Shepherd, your loved ones and your friends.

Receiving Affliction with Courtesy

It is good for me that I was afflicted, that I may learn Your Statues. Psalm 119:71

I will continue to get stronger and stronger each day with the Lord’s help and guidance:)…. this was posted by a friend on FaceBook recently. She like so many others has been experiencing great affliction and with God’s grace is doing wonderful. I have heard witness to how her “Christ centered” dealing with so many tough situations.

May we all learn by her example and receive affliction with courtesy and through God’s Grace…..

COUNT each affliction, whether light or grave,
God’s messenger sent down to thee; do thou
With courtesy receive him; rise and bow;
And, ere his shadow pass thy threshold, crave
Permission first his heavenly feet to lave;
Then lay before him all thou hast. Allow
No cloud of passion to usurp thy brow,
Or mar thy hospitality; no wave
Of mortal tumult to obliterate
The soul’s marmoreal calmness. Grief should be
Like joy, majestic, equable, sedate,
Confirming, cleansing, raising, making free;
Strong to consume small troubles; to commend
Great thoughts, grave thoughts, thoughts lasting to the end.

Aubrey Thomas de Vere, (1814-1902)

What will your last letter say?

It has long been a tradition of soldiers and missionaries to pen a “last letter”. This letter would serve as the final communication between themselves and their loved ones. There has been a resurrection of this ancient tradition is to inspire a new generation to think and pray through the reason for their life – and possibly the sacrifice of their life for a cause greater than themselves.

The following is an example of a recent “last letter” written by Karen Watson an IMB missionary recently killed in Iraq. This was read by her pastor at her funeral.

Dear Pastor,

You should only be opening this letter in the event of my death.When God calls there are no regrets. I tried to share my heart with you as much as possible, my heart for the nations. I wasn’t called to a place; I was called to Him. To obey was my objective, to suffer was expected, His glory my reward, His glory my reward…

The missionary heart:
Cares more than some think is wise
Risks more than some think is safe
Dreams more than some think is practical
Expects more than some think is possible

I was called not to comfort or to success but to obedience…

There is no Joy outside of knowing Jesus and serving Him. I love you and my church family.

In His care,

Salaam, Karen

And He said to them, “It is not for you to know times or seasons which the Father has put in His own authority. But you shall receive power when the Holy Spirit has come upon you; and you shall be witnesses to Me [fn] in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the end of the earth.” Acts 1:7-8

What would you last letter say. Try writing your last letter, seal it in an envelope and when your countenance falls and you seem blue, open the letter and consider all you have said. I am sure God will use these words to minister to your heart.

Suffering and Sin

Have you ever suffered? Has your suffering ever been at the hands of others? Have you ever responded sinfully to those you hold responsible for your suffering?

The Bible is full of examples of those who have been called to suffer. The most popular example of suffering in the bible is probably that of Job. Even non Christians will refer to someone having “the patience of Job” How would you respond if almost EVERYTHING you had were gone. Not just one child; but seven sons and three daughters he had and lost. Not just a few of the animals of his fields, but all…. Everything gone.

How would you react? How did Job react?

“And he said: “Naked I came from my mother’s womb, And naked shall I return there. The LORD gave, and the LORD has taken away; Blessed be the name of the LORD.” In all this Job did not sin nor charge God with wrong. Job 1:21-22.

How could this be? How could Job lose all this and still Bless the Lord? The answer… because Job knew where he came from and what was his. He came naked from his mother’s womb and had much that the Lord had graced him with. Thus he understood that he never really “had” anything of his own might and power. But only that which had been entrusted to him by God.

Then his wife said to him, “Do you still hold fast to your integrity? Curse God and die! But he said to her, “You speak as one of the foolish women speaks. Shall we indeed accept good from God, and shall we not accept adversity?” In all this Job did not sin with his lips.

His heart broken, his wife and friends encouraging him to curse God…. and still he remained faithful.

At this point most of you are thinking what had Job done to “deserve” such treatment? Nothing! Job lost all while being called “a man in the land of Uz, whose name was Job; and that man was blameless and upright, and one who feared God and shunned evil.”

What witness would it be for God to have allowed this to happen to a sinful man? Then you would exclaim “he deserved this”. But for this to happen to a man, “that was blameless and upright, and one who feared God and shunned evil.” That is a witness….

We will all be called upon to suffer and to bear that which we cannot.

Why? Here are a list of several reasons the Bible gives us for suffering and the corresponding scriptures.

To produce patience:
My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials,
knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience.
But let patience have [its] perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing. James 1:2-4

To Silence the Devil:
So Satan answered the LORD and said, “Does Job fear God for nothing? Have You not made a hedge around him, around his household, and around all that he has on every side? You have blessed the work of his hands, and his possessions have increased in the land. Job 1:9-10

To make us like Christ:
Furthermore, we have had human fathers who corrected [us], and we paid [them] respect. Shall we not much more readily be in subjection to the Father of spirits and live? For they indeed for a few days chastened [us] as seemed [best] to them, but He for [our] profit, that [we] may be partakers of His holiness. Hebrews 12:9-10

To Glorify God:
Call upon Me in the day of trouble; I will deliver you, and you shall glorify Me.” Psalm 50:15

While at Seminary my husbands grandfather came to the end of his life after suffering for many, many years. Greg and I were blessed to spend his last week with him. At this point he had been in the hospital for several weeks. In our prayers we asked God to open His purpose to whomever it applied. We knew that Grandpa would be with us as long as God had a purpose for his continued life and suffering. I do not know what God’s purpose was, but I know that Grandpa was used by God for His glory. The peace with which grandpa spent his last days was beautiful to watch… no longer aware of any physical suffering it was as if we were experiencing a little bit of heaven on earth.

Rest assured as you walk through whatever trials you may, that God is His wisdom has a purpose. Scripture shares many ways we may approach these trials:

Commit yourself to God in your suffering:
I cried to the LORD with my voice, And He heard me from His holy hill. Selah I lay down and slept; I awoke, for the LORD sustained me.
I will not be afraid of ten thousands of people Who have set [themselves] against me all around. Psalm 3:4-6

Therefore let those who suffer according to the will of God commit their souls [to Him] in doing good, as to a faithful Creator. 1 Peter 4:19

Don’t try to understand your suffering:
And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to [His] purpose. Romans8:28

Don’t become faint at your suffering:
And you have forgotten the exhortation which speaks to you as to sons: “My son, do not despise the chastening of the LORD, Nor be discouraged when you are rebuked by Him; Hebrews 12:5

Our suffering may come from many different directions; Satan, Ungodly Men, the world’s ungodly system, your own sin, or the acts of carnal Chrsitians.

Dear ones above all do not add to your suffering with sinful selfishness. Do not wear your suffering as a badge of honor. And please do not act in a manner that will increase the suffering of those you love…

Biopsy Blows and the Helmet of Hope

And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God; Ephesians 6:17

The helmets referred to in the Bible are for protection in mortal battle. A blow to the head with a mace or a bludgeon would crush your skull and kill you.

So when Paul says that we should put on “for a helmet the hope of salvation” he means that there are blows that come to our spiritual life that could destroy us, if we were not protected by the hope of salvation.

The hope of salvation—that we will not perish but obtain eternal life in the presence of Christ—absorbs the blow and keeps it from killing us. Blows still come in war and in life. Helmets don’t prevent blows. They just prevent them from destroying us.

One of my clearest experiences of how this works was in December, 2005. The urologist said there was an irregularity in the prostate. He would like to do a biopsy. When? Right now. I’ll be back in a few minutes with the instrument. You can wait on that table.

In those ten minutes of his absence I felt a blow. He thinks I have cancer. He wants to do the biopsy instantly. As the blow descended on my head, the Lord positioned my helmet with loving firmness so that it wouldn’t fly off.

This is the “hope of salvation” that he gave me:

“For God has not destined us for wrath, but to obtain salvation through our Lord Jesus Christ, who died for us so that whether we are awake or asleep we might live with him” (1 Thessalonians 5:9-10).

He brought this text to my mind as I sat on the table awaiting the biopsy. It did its work. It fixed hope on my head. It put brass between me and the blow.

I didn’t notice till later that the “for” at the beginning of the promise in 1 Thessalonians 5:9 (“For God has not destined us for wrath…”), was connected to the helmet of

1 Thessalonians 5:8: “…having put on for a helmet the hope of salvation. For God has not destined us for wrath, but to obtain salvation.”

In retrospect, God covered my head with the promise that this blow was not his wrath. He positioned the helmet of hope perfectly without my even thinking of helmets. I simply thought: This is not wrath; and if I live, I live with Christ, and if I die, I also live with Christ. With that he covered my head.

So go to the arsenal of God’s word and get your armor. The blows are going to come. Without a helmet they will crush your skull. God has a helmet of hope fitted for your head. Put it on.

Originally Posted July 28, 2009 | By: John Piper on the Desiring God Blog